A man fell asleep on the beach under the noon day sun
and suffered a severe sunburn to his legs. He was taken
to the hospital. His skin had turned a bright red and was
very painful and had started to blister. Anything that touched his
legs caused agony. The doctor prescribed continued intravenous feedings
of water and electrolytes, a mild sedative and Viagra. Rather astounded, the nurse
inquired, "What good will Viagra do him in that condition?" The doctor replied,
"It will keep the sheet off of his legs."
Submitted by Lakira76, Aired on 07/25/20040 Comments
okeYou can't laugh away syphilis!
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/22/20040 Comments
okeFRANCE “Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that?”
GERMANY “Is this bratwurst kosher?”
KOREA “Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?”
CHINA “This wall isn’t so great.”
ENGLAND “Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick?”
YEMEN “Yemen? That’s a stupid name for a country.”
ETHIOPIA “After a long day of travel, I’m famished. Hey – those flies sure love your pregnant son!”
CANADA “You’re like Americans without money.”
MEXICO “What's that smell?”
SAUDI ARABIA “Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what?”
RUSSIA “Is it always this cold and economically devastated?”
AFGHANISTAN “Seriously, where is the real country… where is everything?”
JAPAN “What’s Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi?”
AMERICA “Was John Wayne gay?”
What not to ask in Foreign Lands!
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/21/20040 Comments
okeA man storms into a bar and sits down at a table and starts swearing furiously. "Whats wrong?" asks the bartender. "Man, lawyers are assbags!" says the man. Suddenly a man in the back stands up and says "Hey, I take offense to that!" The man asks "What, are you a lawyer?" and the man in the back responds "No, im an assbag!"
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/20/20040 Comments
okeQ. What do all stupid hillbillies say right before they die?
A. Hey yall watch this!
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/19/20042 Comments
okeDid you hear about the midget psychic who escaped from prison? The newspaper reported that there's a small, medium, at large.
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/18/20040 Comments
okeA guy reads an add in the paper that reads: "Talking dog for sale - $20". Intrigued, he goes to the address in the add to check it out. When he arrives, he asks about the dog and the owner just points to the bedroom and says "he's in there".
The man walks into the bedroom and finds the dog sitting on the bed watching TV with a remote in one hand and a beer in the other. The man asks the dog, "so I understand you can talk, what are you doing here?"
"Well" the dog replies "I traveled all through Europe on tour with a traveling circus and when I got tired of that, I moved to the U.S. and acted on broadway for a few years, then I joined up with the marines to help out with Desert Storm. After that, there was the whole 911 thing, so I helped out with the rescue efforts there and when that was all over, I decided to move down here to Florida and retire."
The man walks back out to the owner and says "That dog is amazing, why are you selling him for only $20?"
To which the owner replies "Because he's a BIG LIAR!"
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/17/20040 Comments
okeDoctor Nick walks into his office to talk to a patient. He looks at the patient and says: “I have good news and bad news. Which would you like?”
“The good news,” the patient says.
“Well, the good news is we’re gonna name a disease after you.”
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/16/20040 Comments
okeA guy goes into a porn shop and buys a Palestinian blow up doll, when he got it home, it blew itself up.
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/15/20042 Comments
okeQ - Why does Mike Tyson cry when he's having sex?
A - Pepper Spray will do that to you.
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/14/20040 Comments
okeQ - Why aren't there banjos on Star Trek?
A - Because it's the FUTURE!
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/13/20040 Comments
oke"I don't know if this is gay, but I have a decorator, and he sleeps over."
- Rich Vos
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/12/20040 Comments
oke"Science tests Prove: Water is made of two types of gin: Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is made of pure gin, while hydrogin is made of gin and water." -A Canadian Tidbits paper
Submitted by Lakira76, Aired on 07/11/20040 Comments
oke"You couldn't make me laugh, even if I was laughing my ass of and you were the one making me do it!"
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/10/20040 Comments
okeWhat do you get when you have a green ball in one hand and another green ball in the other hand? ~ Kermit's undivided attention!
Submitted by Lakira76, Aired on 07/09/20040 Comments
oke"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/08/20040 Comments
oke"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version," -- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/07/20040 Comments
oke" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another" -- George Bush, US President
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/06/20040 Comments
oke"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Al Gore, Vice President
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/05/20041 Comments
oke"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/04/20040 Comments
oke"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." -- Al Gore, VP
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/03/20040 Comments
oke"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/02/20040 Comments
oke"Since I started shooting heroin between my toes, I've been able to wear short sleeve shirts again.
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 07/01/20040 Comments
oke"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein," -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 06/30/20040 Comments
oke"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 06/29/20040 Comments
oke"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Keppel Enderbery
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 06/28/20040 Comments
oke"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." -- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 06/27/20041 Comments
oke"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 06/26/20040 Comments
oke"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- Bill Clinton, President
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 06/25/20040 Comments
oke"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
Submitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 06/24/20043 Comments