Baby Gangster

"funny how?"

Happy Friday Edition
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quotes:

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Jack Nicholson
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Billy Crystal
Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy.
Steve Martin
It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
George Burns
I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl that would get really pissed if she heard me say that.
Mitch Hedburg
You cannot outthink someone who isn't thinking.
Albert Einstein
In a world gone mad, only a lunatic is truly insane.
Homer Simpson
It's better to be pissed off, then pissed on!
Annonymous
He couldn't make me laugh, even if I was laughing my ass off and he was the one making me do it!
Family Guy
Even a fish could stay out of trouble if it kept it's mouth shut!
Annonymous
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body!
Annonymous
Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!
Rodney Dangerfield
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson
Is it possible to see something so funny, that it ruins your sense of humor forever?
Eric Cartman
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers
Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
Albert Einstein
I just thought of something funny...your mother.
Cheech Marin
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Peter O'Toole.
Who the [heck] wants to hear actors talk?
H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927
All I need to make comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Charlie Chaplin
I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.
Mel Brooks
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Joe E Lewis
I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
Pablo Picasso
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Dennis Ritchie
Drinking for an entertainer is like stretching for an athlete.
Mitch Hedberg
There are no good ways to die.
Chick McGee
If you die, and you're in debt, you win.
Ben Creed
If you can't spot the sucker at your table in the first thirty minutes, you are the sucker.
Matt Damon, Rounders
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Colette
You can go along way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
Al Capone
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Dave Edison
There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that.
Steve Martin
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Jim Carrey
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
George Carlin
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane!
Jimmy Buffet
If you dedicate yourself to learning about your subject for 15 minutes a day, in a year's time you'll be an expert. In five years, you'll be a national expert. The only hard part is choosing your subject.
Albert Einstein
 
Paint it Black Let There Be White ö Sign In / Register
March 29, 2024

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oke

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.
He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.
Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make theguy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a ******* on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as the drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

submitSubmitted by ZackDaddy, Aired on 06/09/2005

"cricket cricket"

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